Meaw

And may I present Alexander Fiodorovits Grey aka Sasha. (I felt bad talking only of Melissa...)

Look, his face is saying it all :"Just give me the food and beat it. That will be all, servant..."

Shopping disaster :(

Today I had a shopping orgy on dog's accessories.
Yep... I bought:

• A Furminator brush for my lab's coat
• A shampoo to boost the shine of the coat
• A rubber brush for massage and healthy coat
• Pig ears for chewing
• Bones for chewing
• "shoes" for chewing
• Cesar Millan's book (the one on the left)
• A pink adjustable leash (e-stages,XL size)
• Matching pink collar
• Tag with her name and cellphone (mine, not hers)
• A 3m long lead of plastic and wire for tying her in the yard occasionally
• 13kg of Royal Canine food for junior labs (ouch, the price hurt)
• Treats in different flavours (beef,chicken,game,pineapple(!),vegetables etc) and sizes.
• A travel bowl for food/water
• A bag of biscuits
• A ball-toy

and last but not least cat food. Poor Sasha (the cat), he is not costing a bit compared to Melissa(the puppy).

OMG, it was a disaster of epic proportions. I spent about 250Euros while my salary for August was only about 300Euros. I think I have a real problem, I am officially a shopaholic.

At least I will not end up being the crazy cat lady in the neighbourhood since I spend on the dog rather than cats and also it is impossible to get more pets. 

About Cesar now. I am a big big fan. I have all seasons of the Dog Whisperer show and four of his books. The man is a genius. He is making training and living with the dog so easy and simple. The key is to be as close to mother nature as possible. Mimic the pups mother and be a leader so that the pup feels safe and grows with a right role model. Yes, I said role model. Have you seen how often dogs are resembling the owners? If the role model is an easy going, cheerful, kind and friendly type with proper behaviour, the doggy will grow as a friendly,easy going animal with proper behaviour around other animals and people, as well as around the house. 

Following Cesar's clues, my 7month lab is a clever,socially educated, happy puppy. I am "exposing" her in all  kinds of environments. We go to the centre of the city, the mountain, the beach, the vet's practise, to the river for swimming, in coffee places, in friends' houses and for play dates. She has many doggy and human friends and she has learned to sleep either in her crate or on my sister's/mine bed's feet. She is my little one, replacing the baby I can never have. Look, she has grown up:

Melissa with her chewing treat

Shit in a shithole

Damn it, I stumbled on a cancer blog and read about the aggressiveness of some stupid tumours. Thanks a lot dear blogger, I will barely sleep tonight again. Yes, I know, I am on the roller-coaster of "Final Destination" and I will definitely die. Fuck you and your cheerful statistics. Shit ,shit and for dessert more shit  :(  

The Tree of Life & The Fountain

Yggdrasill

One of my favourite Norse myths is about Yggdrasill. It is the myth of the life Tree and reflects all the beauty of Norse sagas, being also a wonderful symbol of the transience of life. 

The sperm of the end of the word in Nordic mythology lays right in its creation through the existence of the cosmic tree, Yggdrasill. It is an evergreen ash tree of prodigious dimensions, on which the universe is supported and symbolizes the battle between light and dark, the balance and change between constant decay and renewal, and through it universal notions such as life, time and destiny are expressed. 

Yggdrasill has three roots that stretch to three planes of worlds. On the first layer are the worlds Asgard (home of the Aesir gods), Vanaheim (home of the Vanir-lesser gods) and Alfheim (home of the elves). On the second layer is Midgard (home of the humans), Jotunheim(home of the frost giants), Nidavellir (home of the dwarves) and Svartalfheim (home of the dark elves). On the third and lower layer is Hel and Nifelheim, the death worlds. All worlds are dependent on the existence of the life tree, even the death worlds, gods, giants and humans altogether.Beneath it also stands the fountain of wisdom, where Odin sacrificed one of his eyes to drink from and gain his wisdom.

But even Yggdrasill might die. Four stags are eating its leaves and the huge serpent Nidhogg is gnawing its roots incessantly. In result, when Ragnarök approaches, the final battle of the gods, the tree will shiver and maybe even fall, bringing the end of all worlds. 

This notion of Yggdrasill -not as in nordic mythology but as it appears in other theological systems- seems to be behind the story of the cosmic tree in the amazing film "The Fountain" by Darren Aronofsky. 

The Fountain" by Darren Aronofsky.

In this film there are three parallel story lines. In the first-the past, the protagonist is venturing to find the cosmic tree of life in the jungles of the New World for the favour of his queen. In the second- the present, he is struggling to isolate the ingredients of the Tree of Life to save his dying love. And in the last one-the future, he is travelling in space with a tree ,seeking the supernova that will transcend the death of his beloved into life once again. 

In the end, this film is a poem about love, life and death. About the desperation of losing the love of our life and being unable to accept the loss, unable to find rest, peace and finally, closure. 

I believe that this is one of the very few films that capture the agony of copying with mortality and the stages of grief after a loved one's passing. Life is so fragile, so temporary that a Godless life might resemble a hell, at least for me. There must be some reason, a meaning, a purpose, something....

PROMETHEUS- a review

Just finished watching "Prometheus" and I am quite excited...

_SPOILER ALERT_

I am a dedicated fan of the Alien mythology. Although I do not usually enjoy sci-fi movies, Alien has a certain attraction, a "je ne sais quoi". Perhaps it owes it to the strong performance of Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley or the aesthetics of the artist Giger that has been in charge of the visual effects (and won an academy award for it).  Or maybe it appeals to a catastrophological side of me. Or I just enjoy a good pop corn movie... 

That being said, I consider Prometheus more than a decent prequel to the Alien mythology, although I believe that fans would like some more elaboration on the Engineers story line and perhaps a bit less predictability. To be honest, the scene of the crash of the spaceships looked to me flat and awkward on behalf of the characters.  

I am not sure whether the producers intended for so many similarities between the movies but definitely there were moments that Alien scenes popped in my mind although I had no clue of the relevance of the movies. Other than the likeness of death occurrences,( like eel-like creatures crawling inside the hosts and laying eggs that hatched and their acid blood exploding on a face), I couldn't help but notice that the leading role was once more entrusted on a woman, this time Noomi Rapace. And she might not have exhibited the same hardiness of Ripley's character in the last Alien films but reminded the femininity and youth of Sigourney in the first movie along with some fragility.

Additionaly, I could only be content by the presence of Michael Fassbender that is really noticeable in the role of the android David (the android key role is another similarity with Alien).  Charlize Theron however, might have contributed more in the film if she had more space to unfold her character as Meredith Vickers. The same goes for Guy Pierce in the role of Peter Wayland.

Well, I am not a critic to be able to analyse in more extend, but personally I enjoyed the film and I can't wait for the sequel which is said to be in production. Weeee! Gimme more Aliens!!! :P

PS. That Engineers looked a bit like Predators, didn't they? 

Moody blues

Tomorrow I am due to chemo once again. This is number 11. One more and we are done. For now.

Today, I am wondering why I keep this blog. Why have I even started it? Just to keep the fantasy of connecting with people through it? Not even my sisters know about it, not even my fiance'. I have told no one but I am sure that at some point they will find out. Nothing stays hidden under the sun.

I am moody today. As the end of the chemo approaches and the new exams and CTs get closer, I start to freak out again. But no, this time I will give it no room to grow on me. I am broken enough as it is.
I am so sad. I wish I could just lean on my love, just lay close to him and breath. But he is so far away.
And everyone gets so upset when I am sad.

Last week, I checked funeral details. I consider signing a form of  non resuscitation. And other morbid stuff, as my fiancé would say....
If my mother finds out, she will have a seizure. I wish I could just explain that sometimes I need to be in peace with my death, whether it occurs in three decades or at this very moment. Being at peace with your destiny doesn't mean you stop fighting. But I can not pretend I am not scared or concerned.
Oh, fuck it, I am so confused. :(   Humans are not supposed to live like this. 

What cancer can't do...